New Year, SAME Me
This year my resolution is – NO resolutions! But, there will be a word of the year and there are GOALS. But, no resolutions.
I’ve already been greeted with a myriad of email messages about “New Year, New You” and how to be more productive or more motivated or more organized. Facebook updates about how to keep to a new gym schedule or diet or lifestyle. A friend even re-posted her “70 Mini New Year Resolutions” – I love you, Sarah, but 70?? Ouch.
My favorite post today – and I have to completely agree with her – is Erika Napoletano’s New Year’s Resolutions can Kiss my Lily White Ass!
Over the past few years, I’ve learned that *I* was missing from my resolutions. I didn’t have the balls to back them up (so to speak). I would give up at the slightest hiccup, the smallest speed bump, the tiniest molehill that loomed like a mountain over my teeny tiny self-esteem.
So what do we do? We make changes. We set a goal with achievable steps and we work those steps. I’ve said it before – as has my boss many many many ad nauseam many times – “Plan the Work and Work the Plan!”
So…what’s the plan, Stan?
First, I set a word of the year.
A single word that helps me work towards that goal. I told my family last night that my 2015 word is “acceptance”. I didn’t explain it to them because at the time I needed to ruminate on it a bit more to really define what that meant for me.
Acceptance isn’t about saying “It is what it is, nothing can change it, might as well give up.” No no no! Acceptance, for me, is saying, “I am enough. I accept me just as I am. And I accept others just as they are.”
Now, I know I can get better but I don’t HAVE to. If there’s something *I* don’t like about myself, I can change that. I can be nicer, or happier, or prettier, or smarter, or “more” of any given adjective. Always more. But, I need to accept that as I am, right now or at any time in the future, I am enough, just as I am. And I’m pretty damn amazing just as I am.
Acceptance is also accepting others just as they are. I don’t need to try to change them and I couldn’t change them no matter how much I tried anyway. It’s completely up to an individual if they change or not. What I CAN do is tell someone when they hurt me or disappointment – or when they make me unbelievable fulfilled or proud. What they do with that knowledge is completely up to them. And if someone continually hurts me or disappointments me, I do NOT have to accept that. I can walk away from it. It may not be easy, but to be truly myself I need to shed myself of others’ expectations and be for me a bit more.
Second, we set some ATTAINABLE goals.
You may be asking yourself, “How are goals different from resolutions? Is there really a difference??” Well, let’s looks at definitions for the two words:
Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.
Goal: The object of a person’s ambition or effort.
Ah. There IS a difference, isn’t there? A resolution is simply a decision – to lose weight, to be organized, to be nicer, to blah blah fricking blah. A GOAL is the object of effort. Something you’re actually working toward.
Going back to Sarah’s list above, if you actually go read it, it’s a list of GOALS with specific things you can DO. She’s got five main areas where people usually set resolutions and then lists actionable items you can take to act on those ideas. And that’s what we all need to do. Not just have a vague notion of a resolution but an action plan.
Erika refers to two lists in her post: A bull shit list and a good shit list. Bull shit is the crap you’re leaving in last year. The Good Shit is what you’re going to go after this year. Simple, yes?
I have a lot of crap I’m leaving in 2014. And even more I’m going to leave in 2015. But I’m not listing those for you. Those are for me to know and deal with. But, you do get to know my “good shit” list – at least some of it.
My 2015 GOALS!
Return to college.
I want that damn piece of paper. But more than that, there are some specific classes I NEED to take to follow the dreams in my head. Before the new year arrived, I already requested information from several colleges about online courses, costs, etc. Because I don’t care which school is on the piece of paper, I need the knowledge specific to what is being offered.
Publish MY books!
Yerp. I have TWO novels completed in various stages of roughness. One much more complete than the other. I’ve decided to let go of the “hard copy / reputable publisher ONLY” stipulation I’ve put on publishing. I want my stories OUT THERE. And, honestly, I want some of that money IN HERE. Particularly to help with Goal #1 above. To get to this goal, I need to finish editing, prep for eBook formatting and get it on the various sites. Research commenced in this area already as well. There are several specific steps for this goal and I’ll be outlining them more firmly as I continue the research.
This is not to say “Lose weight” or “workout more” or the typical resolutions people make and drop by February. Honestly, for the most part, I like my shape. I mean, “Hello!!” – this is me:
That’s pretty damn good, right?? I mean, I know I’m not movie star beautiful or crazy skinny or whatever America currently deems “beautiful” but I think I’m pretty amazing. But, I’m not healthy. I need to 100% stop smoking (#1 on list). I need to make better food choices for myself and my family (#2). I need to get off my butt and move more, even if it’s just taking a walk around the house or the block (#3). So – healthier. Not prettier, skinnier or any other adjective – just HEALTHY.
And – that’s the list. For now. Because there are enough steps for these three things to keep me busy for quite a while. Next, I’ll be outlining ALL the exact steps I need to do to make these happen. Because *I* need that level of workable plan. Without it, these are just resolutions. And I want GOALS.
What are your GOALS this year?
XO – T.